One day there was a koala bear called Kurt, who suffered from
crippling social anxiety. He was too afraid to leave the house. He
had a girlfriend called Melissa, but he was too anxious to be around
her. Sometimes they would talk on MSN, but whenever she requested a
web-cam interaction he was debilitated by heart-wrenching fear.
The only person he could bear to be around was his mother, who only
made him feel mildly nauseous. Kurt's therapist was a Freudian, and said that his
problems stemmed from an extreme Oedipal complex. Kurt pointed out
that most of Freud's theories had been discredited. Kurt's therapist
saw this bold undermining of his authority as a demonstration of
Oppositional Defiant Disorder. He decided the best course of action
was to put Kurt on a shit ton of meds.
After Kurt had taken his shit ton of meds, he began to see his
therapist's point of view. In fact, Kurt had depersonalised to such an
extent, that he was willing believe that he was the kind of person
who wanted to plough his mother.
Kurt's therapist was very pleased with Kurt's progress. Kurt had
become so compliant that he had pretty much lost the ability to think
for himself, but gained a whole host of new friends. But Kurt's new
friends were a bad bunch. They used Kurt as a drugs mule. Kurt was so
pliable, that they merely had to suggest that Kurt insert a bag of
heroin into his anus and cross the state border, and Kurt would
happily comply. Kurt was just happy to have such great pals. Maybe
after the drugs pick-up, they would go for ice-cream sundaes, just
like he always dreamed.
THE END.
