I'll admit it, I'm fickle. But what I had with Zooey, well it may
sound naïve, but I thought it was forever. It wasn't another Lady
Gaga situation where the stench of desperation and raw meat and the
ever decreasing quality of her music meant I just had to call time on
our relationship. Zooey had indie girl credibility. She was married
to that dude from that band I don't like. She was in a band with
another dude I don't like. But she was also in (500) Days of Summer,
which I did like. Not just because Joseph Gorden Levitt is a major
babe, but because Zooey stole my heart with her whimsical
Williamsburg hipster's-wet-dream charm. “Ringo is my favourite
Beatle too!” I remember
thinking, my heart skipping beats, fluttering with a new found sense
of joy, of elation that I had finally found my soul mate.
She's so zany and non-commital! |
I wanted Zooey to shout “PENIS!”
at me in public places, I wanted to brush her beautiful hair and
discuss My Little Pony vs. The Carebears with her. Then I saw
New Girl and I realised what a macabre charade my infatuation with
Zooey had been. She was no cooler than me, not even in that Jamboree
t-shirt. I watched three episodes before I decided that Zooey and I
are over. No one can say I didn't try. In New Girl, Zooey re-hashes
the Manic Pixie Dream Girl she played in (500) Days of Summer but
with 1000% added clutziness, kookiness, whackiness and other words
you associate with someone who is completely unbearable but you're
trying to be polite about.
My go-to move for bonding with new flat-mates also involves weeping unashamedly in public view. |
WHY DOES SHE FALL OVER SO MUCH? WHY IS SHE SO ZANY? HAS SHE EVER MET
A SWEATER SHE DIDN'T LIKE? These are the pertinent questions that
spring to mind whilst watching New Girl. As an audience we are
supposed to find it HI-LARIOUS when our gal Zooey thinks wearing
dungarees is acceptable on a first date. Luckily her super-babe,
supermodel friend who insists on wearing oddly formal attire at all
occasions intervenes and Zooey is made acceptable to the male gaze.
She is, however, still SUPER QUIRKY so, you know, GIRL POWER.
The word “kooky” has often been applied to Zooey Deschanel. Kooky
is an insult, a nice way of saying bat shit crazy. I genuinely don't
understand why her room-mates seem so happy to be co-habiting with a
mentally unstable woman-child. I can only hope the season finale
involves an intervention in which every cast member informs Zooey that
being a flailing, squealing loon does not make you a charming,
loveable scamp. It makes you a cunt. I imagine the final scene will
involve Zooey looking into the Hello Kitty mirror on her vanity
table, gazing dully at her reflection before reaching for the
telephone to call her doctor to get a prescription for some mood
stabilisers, Lithuium – I don't know, anything to make the flailing
stop.
Giving Jim Carrey a run for his money in the flailing lunatic stakes. |
So goodbye Fringe-Face. Don't call me, I won't answer.
There will always be a special place in my heart for your hair
though.
NOOOOOOOooooooooo...
ReplyDeleteOkay seriously though, first of all, (500) Days of Summer was the beginning of the end for me and Zooey. I watched it solely because she was in it, because I loved her in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and her deadpan voice always made me so happy inside. Then the hipster thing started, and then She & Him, and I started to think, "Zooey... you are too old to be a hipster. Stop. Just stop." But then New Girl came out, and while her character is the most annoying thing that has ever been birthed into this world, I also TOTALLY LOVE the show and it makes me laugh really loud in my dorm room all alone so that counts for something. This is the worst tl;dr comment ever but basically: I agree! I don't agree! Why the hell don't you love New Girl like I do! You're just not American enough to appreciate her emotions, Lucy.
Genius.
ReplyDelete